i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
