we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
