I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
