Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
