do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
