He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
