You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
