i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
