I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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