Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
