life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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