Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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