we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
