Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
