I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My vagina just clenched in fear
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