3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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