I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
