broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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