Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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