I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
