No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
