I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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