i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
