just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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