So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
