Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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