hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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