You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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