you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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