you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
