you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
