it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
