I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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