Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
