having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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