just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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