Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
