We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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