Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
