Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
