As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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