Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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