but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
