look no pants
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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