I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
