Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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