Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
