We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hippo gnu deer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
