Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best revenge is premature balding
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
