you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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