The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
