We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
