i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
