do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
