Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
