i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
