and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
